Deployment: Winding Down Finally!

We are less than three weeks before Chris returns from Afghanistan. I can't believe it!!

On Youtube I didn't allow myself to show most of my sad moments but I did have plenty. I am not sure if it shows weakness or vulnerability, but now I wish I had. My audience on my Youtube channel are very much my friends and who better than to show them my true feelings about the deployment. I suppose I wanted to be strong and more determined than anything.

Chris' deployment was cut short and I prayed and prayed that it would happen since the day he left. I felt strongly that he would be back sooner than later and it happened just the way I envisioned.

Now that the deployment is winding down, I keep getting anxious. True anxiety over it! I am nervous and I know I am not the first military wife to think this: "Is he going to feel the same way about me when he returns?"

The time difference between us was such a challenge and it got the best of my emotions. I GET CRABBY WHEN I AM TIRED...there is no denying that at all. Chris called me around 11pm most nights and by that time, I was a bit exhausted but I didn't choose to change our time to communicate, I would have been up at 4am if that was the only opportunity we had to talk.

Now that he will be returning, I have instead been in a hole. All the emotions I felt when he left are returning one by one. I am frustrated, angry, clueless, scared, worried, and so many more. I should be happy most of all. WHAT IS HAPPENING?? Chris and I had a few minor hiccups in the last week and they all could have been prevented if I wasn't so emotional or sensitive. Anyone else go through these rough patches towards the end of deployment??

I have been trying to keep busy but it hasn't helped. I find myself thinking and thinking about what his arrival is going to be like. What dress am I going to wear? Is the house going to be up to par? <--- I let this one go.
The most important thing to do now is to relax, calm myself down and take a breath. He is almost home!!! It is an overwhelming feeling.
If you are going through a deployment and have had to work through your feelings, please any advice would help down below in the comment section.
I want to hold it together.

Sunshine and Lawn Work

Today it was beautiful!! The sun was out and that always gives me the motivation to head outdoors. The sunshine only got me to my front yard as I decided to go ahead and rake all of the leaves that had fallen this past Winter and Fall. I didn't mind it at all.

One of my first memories with Chris was that of raking leaves and cleaning up the yard at his old home. I miss that Chris is not here to help because I know how much pride he takes in his lawn. The pride reminds me of my father so much. My father mows, trims the bushes and waters the yard all Summer long and Chris is the same. Now that he is deployed, I mowed the lawn for the first time this year. I couldn't wait to do it. Something about a freshly mowed lawn makes me happy. It could be the way the grass smells after it is mowed, or the fact that Spring is very near.

Today I figured it would be perfect to trim the front bushes and clean it up. I had fun doing it because both my boys were eager to help me. (Of course, helping meant they were spreading the leaves around more.) All in all, I got it all done and even added the $1.00 decor I had found at the Dollar Tree. Hopefully those do not disappear as theft has been a huge issue in our little neighborhood. The next five days are expected to be rainy and gloomy so I am so happy I took advantage of the rays. Oh and not to mention the natural vitamins sunlight provides!

As you can see by the picture, the bushes were out of control!!! Less bushes means more sunlight, and more sunlight means less lighting. Saving money on electricity! Win Win!!